Visiting a Loved One With Dementia | What to Expect and How to Prepare
Visiting a loved one with dementia in a care home will more than likely feel daunting because you’re not sure what to expect. Perhaps you’re worried about how they’ll react, whether they’ll recognise you or how to fill the time together.
These concerns are totally normal. But with a little preparation, your dementia care home visit can bring comfort and connection, even if words aren’t always easy. Our helpful guide will show you what to expect and how to make the most of your time together.
How do You Visit Someone with Dementia in a Care Home?
Here are some simple ways to prepare and get the most out of your time together:
Plan the timing
Check with the care home when your loved one is most alert (often mid-morning or early afternoon). Shorter visits, around 30–60 minutes, are usually best.
Prepare & bring familiar items
Greet them clearly. For example, “Hi Dad, it’s John, I’ve come to see you.” Bring things they might enjoy or recognise, like old photos, favourite songs or a well-loved book.
Set the scene
Cut down on background noise if you can. Sit where they can see you easily. Speak slowly and clearly and leave plenty of time for them to reply.
Follow their lead & validate their world
Ask what they’d like to do. Maybe you could look at photos, listen to music or go outside for a short walk in the fresh air. If your loved one expresses confusion or wants to “go home” acknowledge how they’re feeling rather than correcting them.
Stay connected even in silence
Be present and patient. A warm smile, holding their hand or relaxing together quietly can bring comfort. Familiar stories or everyday conversation will bring them ease, even if they don’t respond much.
Preparing for the Visit to a Loved One With Dementia
A little thought before you visit can make a real difference for both of you.
Call ahead
It’s always worth checking with the care home first. They’ll tell you when your loved one tends to be at their best and whether there are any routines or events to work around that day.
Think about timing
Many people with dementia feel more settled and alert earlier in the day. Late afternoons can be tricky if they’re tired. If you’re unsure, ask the care staff for advice.
Bring one or two things to share
You don’t need a bag full of activities. One or two small items can help immensely for moments of connection – a favourite old song on your phone, a photo album or a simple game you used to play together. Think about what might feel familiar or comforting and try not to show up without a plan.
Go in with an open mind
It’s hard to know how each visit will go. Some days they might be chatty and other times they might be quiet or confused. As hard is it may be, try not to expect too much, because often, just sitting with them is enough.
Look after yourself too
It’s actually normal to feel nervous or emotional about visiting, which can cause guilt and other confusing feelings. So, take a moment beforehand to gather yourself. Being calm and relaxed will help your loved one feel more at ease as well.
What to Expect During the Visit
Visiting someone with dementia can be unpredictable. It’s important to know this before you arrive at the care home because your loved one might not always behave as you remember them.
One visit, things seem relatively normal and they recognise you and greet you warmly. But, depending on the stage of dementia, there will be days, your loved one may not know who you are, which can be upsetting for you and other family members. While this is painful, please remember that it’s not personal, it’s the nature of the illness.
You may find that conversation is difficult as they repeat the same questions, get stuck on certain thoughts or drift between different times and memories. It’s best not to correct them. What matters is responding and validating the feelings behind their words, not the facts.
At times, they may be restless, upset or distant. Unfortunately, there is no single way to handle this, but simply being as calm and present as possible is often the best you can do. Some visits will be quiet and you’ll sit together without much conversation, but remember that it is still valuable time.
People with dementia tend to be sleepy and low on energy during the day, so shorter visits are often better. Pay attention to signs of fatigue or distress and be ready to end the visit if it feels too much for them.
Most importantly, go in without trying to control the outcome. If you arrive expecting a certain kind of response or connection, you’ll likely leave disappointed. Go in with an open mind and focus on just being with them, however they are that day, then the visit will have meaning for everyone.
Coping With Difficult Emotions
It’s normal to feel sadness, frustration, guilt or even helplessness when visiting a loved one with dementia. You’re not alone – many family members feel this way.
It’s painful to see the changes in them, realising that familiar conversations are no longer possible. Guilt is a common but overpowering emotion and one you might feel for not visiting more often or experiencing relief when the visit ends. Don’t worry, these reactions are all common, and they do not mean you are failing them.
It helps to remind yourself that your presence matters, even if they aren’t. Being there in person by their side, offering a calm and steady presence, is enough.
Be realistic about what each visit can achieve because you cannot fix what dementia has changed. Your only control is offering comfort and connection at the moment, in whatever form it takes.
Finally, it’s important to take care of yourself. If you leave a visit feeling low or drained, give yourself time to process it. Speak with someone you trust, or seek support from care home staff if you need to. Supporting a loved one through dementia is emotionally challenging and you’re not alone.
Showing Up Matters More Than You Think
No matter how hard you try, there is no one perfect way to visit your loved one with dementia. Each visit will depend on how they are that day and on what you are able to bring to the moment.
Be kind to yourself about how a visit goes. You cannot control this illness, and you are not expected to fix anything. Showing up, with patience and care, is what matters most.
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